Kula's Loss — Shari Beard Yoga

Hi Beloved Yogis,

This might be one of the most challenging newsletters to write in respect to the community I am writing it for. When I think of my email list I am often thinking of the Kings Beach Kula where my list first started. For those of you that don't know, the Kings Beach Kula/Community was really special. Like all yoga communities. It felt like family. It's amazing what one little, weekly yoga class built. We would gather at the North Tahoe Event Center every Tuesday night at 5:45-7:15. It wasn't a fancy yoga studio with all the fancy props. In the beginning most people brought their own props, although I did have a few blocks and blankets for those that really needed them and a bag full of old neckties to use as straps. People would tell me they loved my class because they felt they could show up in whatever comfy clothes they had and didn't have to wear fancy yoga clothes. It wasn't a pristine, peace filled yoga studio, but it had one of the most beautiful views of any indoor yoga class around. How many people get to practice in front of Lake Tahoe, once a week for $10, and then bring a new friend for FREE?

But the best part of this class was the community. How we all became a family. I was often guilty of starting class late because everyone was chit chatting and catching up with each other. I loved that newcomers always felt that they were welcomed. We got to witness and support ourselves and each other through all of life's challenges and changes. We got to witness each other evolve and grow. Like all things, the Kula was built; it evolved/changed, and then dissolved, but I know memories of the Kula still remain in many of our hearts.

A few weeks ago one of our dear family members of the Kula transitioned on. I was devastated to hear of Pam Emmerich's passing, especially since I didn't even know she was sick. I found myself wailing because I didn't get to be there for her, that I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her, appreciated her, was so inspired by her. Pam had a HUGE heart that saw the goodness in others. I am hearing her laugh, her voice sharing truth and seeing her tremendous smile. She and I both grew up riding and jumping horses in the Midwest. It was so fun to share this love in a community where horses are not really a thing. She would send me videos of horse shows and we would drool over the very expensive animals. I miss her.

I feel very fortunate that it doesn't feel like I have lost a lot of close friends and family members, but I also know that I will. I have found myself in tears lots. When I found out about Pam, I was down in Corona Del Mar with my mama celebrating Tessa turning 13. I ran on the beach crying and at the same time I sensed Pam was free. But then when I came home there were tears in meditation, tears upon awakening, tears from what felt like depression. I shared with Ben that I felt depressed. He said, "You are not depressed; you are just sad". I said, "I haven't really ever had this feeling before but it's happened twice lately where I don't feel grateful. Which feels scary..." More tears. He said with a giggle in his voice, "Welcome to being human!". More tears. I said, "I feel hopeless..." Long pause. "I feel powerless..." More pause being held. Then I said, "Are there any more spots available in the bike clinic today? Will Brooke (my beloved friend and energy healer) be there to teach yoga?". He said,"Yes, one more spot and it's yours". It was then the hopelessness, and the powerlessness, became powerful and hopeful. It opened Ben and I to a beautiful intimate connection. I did go to the bike clinic and I felt Pam right there. She knew I loved her and I was showing her that I appreciated her and how much she inspired me.

I was only home for two days before Tessa and I turned around to go back down to the coast with one of her longest best friends to celebrate her 13th birthday. Two mothers, supporting two daughters on an adventure to learn how to surf. It was perfect weather down there to celebrate and to also continue to grieve. The cold coastal fog in the morning and evening embraced me in the perfect way to keep exploring inward. More grief, more sadness, more powerlessness, hopelessness, and fear, and frustration were added with running up the beach in sheer terror when I saw my daughter being carried by paramedics off the beach. I got to experience one of those, "I am a terrible mom!" moments when the lifeguard running past me was looking for the parent that didn't have her phone on her. Ugh! After an expensive trip to the urgent care we got the good news that Tessa only got a bad sprain to her ankle and we were back in the ocean the next day. The joy of Tessa teaching me how to catch waves on a boogie board the last day of our trip made it all worth it.

I have to say since being back in Tahoe Sunday night, there has been more grieving and I just keep letting it roll thru. Every time thanking Pam for giving me this precious gift of grieving. And the more I do, the more tenderness is experienced and the underlying joy. I find the mind often telling me I should be helping more, doing more, serving more and when I get quiet my heart says showing up for Tessa is enough. Showing up for Ben is enough. Showing up as a daughter, sister, friend, teacher, dog owner, citizen of this planet is enough. Every time I get on a mountain bike it reminds me of Pam; every time I find myself dancing to good music, I am reminded of Pam; every time I show up and see the goodness in people, it reminds me of Pam. My powerlessness turns to power and the hopelessness turns to hope; and I know I am doing enough by just simply being.

Once the weather cools down I want to get the Kula together to practice in honor of Pam- that is if the Kings Beach Event Center will let me hold it on the patio- socially distanced of course. In the meantime, I know many of you are celebrating Pam in all the beautiful ways you show up in this life. Please reach out to loved ones. Reach out to those that have inspired you and tell them you appreciate and love them. I have pretty much taken myself off social media and not knowing what was going on with Pam has me rethinking it, but I really want to connect with my loved ones in a more genuine and intimate way. I know this pandemic makes it more challenging, but therein lies the creativity.

I am here for the rest of summer so I plan to hold class outside at Tahoe XC on Tuesday afternoons, and The Practice on Fridays at Namaste. Email me to reserve your spot. Also, as for virtual classes I am still teaching 7:30-8:45AM Nervous System Reset for Namaste AND Ben and I are offering 2 more virtual, Yoga and Meditation for Men Classes, the last Wednesday of July and August. We will be offering another 6 week series for men at the end of September. Lastly, I am involved with the Tahoe XC Mountain Bike Clinics and will be teaching yoga for the Saturday clinic on September 12. I am determined to keep leaning into my fear and enjoying these bikes that get us out exploring nature. More details on all of these offerings below.

I hope you all are well and staying close to the tender spaces of your heart. This life is hard. It was never meant to be easy, but we surely can take moments to enjoy the sweet simplicity of being and that is enough.

Much, much love to you all!

Namaste,
Shari